"Selfishly Selfless"

I used to take ballroom dance. I hated the class, but I enjoyed dancing. It wasn't the proximity to female bodies, it was... just something about learning how to move in a way that was artistic. I was a complete natural, and I only started getting really good when I stopped trying to think so hard about what I was doing.
Anyways, I stopped after four years. Why? Well, there's just something about being around girls and exerting myself physically that makes me sweat. And apparently there's this cultural rule that says that sweat is repulsive. (I haven't done a full investigation, but it seems to be a States-born ideology. The French have absolutely no problem with it.)
Basically I started hating myself every time I went to the class. Girls avoided dancing with me, pretty blatantly. There were one or two that didn't seem to mind so much, or were good at hiding it. So close to the end of my sophomore year, I just stopped going. I didn't need the class for any credits or anything, I was just in it because I thought I wanted to be.
But hey. It turns out that the one major issue in doing art that requires other people, is that it requires other people. And you'd be lucky to find a partner that's as serious about the art as you are.

So I traded it out for martial arts. I can honestly say that that was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. While my hygiene issues were still apparent in that environment, the other students didn't really seem to care. They were serious about what they were doing, and they were having fun with it. (It might also have something to do with the fact that they were adults; I was the youngest student out of every one of them, even the ones I never met.)
Martial arts fulfilled every need for artistic movement that dancing had, and then some. I learned how to stand properly, how to punch properly, how to hurt people when they tried to punch me, and every day I felt more and more powerful. It was all so practical and invigorating, and even though nearly everyone in the school was capable of killing me with their bare hands, they were all extremely friendly. I loved it.
So why did I stop? It was expensive, and I was busy. And to be honest, going to the class was difficult. I would go straight there after school, and I wouldn't get home until around ten. When you're me, you need time every single day for "whatever". I felt as though I had completely lost those days.

I was busy with theatre. (Yes, I always spell it that way.) Not professional theatre, just school stuff. Drama class stuff.
At that time I was rehearsing for Guys & Dolls. I was Benny Southstreet, which was okay. Every day I was there I knew I wouldn't have made the cut if I hadn't moved to such a small school. Everyone who auditioned was given a part. We might have even been short a few roles.
Theatre became more important than anything, and it felt good that way. There were still days where I didn't get home until late, but I was fine with it, because I was benefiting an entire cast, a whole production, by being there. Not just myself.

...I guess she was right. Feeling necessary is important to me. (And blast it all. I was trying to write an entire post without mentioning her.)

(I was GOING to write about how last night the cast for the musical I'm currently in started practicing dance routines and how it really takes me back and makes me think about this stuff, but once again, all I've managed to do is prove that I can't get Dream-Girl, and everything she's said to me, out of my head.)

So what does that mean? That I'm selfishly selfless? This must be why I hate thinking about my raison d'être. And the worst part is, the moment the last performance of this musical ends, I'll be forced to find another one.

So, alright. I'll level with my friends. I'm kind, sensitive, intelligent, talented, sincere, (relentlessly) honest, and not that bad looking. Now can somebody finally tell me what is so very wrong with me?