While I normally wait for the results of something before I report on it, I'm going to continue doing that and take this time to muse about the anxiety that one experiences whilst in the uncertain stages of romance.
It would be no more a secret than this blog that I'm referring to dream-girl-who-gave-me-her-number. With that context, I'll move on.
It's very difficult to break off and do something else when you're waiting for a response. What's especially frustrating is when you send a message directly to their phone, which you could only assume is currently on their person, and they still don't answer back. I'm not complaining, it's just that I want to remind myself in case I forget how scary that can be.
Hour after hour I worry that I might have ruined something, said something wrong, revealed too much, showed too much or too little interest, that I've made some kind of irreversible mistake that makes her decide that I'm weird, that I'm pathetic, that my intentions aren't pure, that in some way I'm not worth her time. All I can really ask for is one date, but I'm so afraid that if I push too hard, she'll leave me alone, or that if I don't push hard enough, I'll miss an opportunity.
Naturally (albeit metaphorically) I've been holding myself in my arms and telling myself that I'll be okay no matter what happens, but until she answers, I can't tell myself which okay I'll be.
Is it okay to pray about this kind of stuff? I guess it's okay to at least ask for comfort.
It's almost like I completely forgot everything I thought I learned from my past mistakes.
Anyways, apparently the presumed event is coffee. Whatever that means. Lately I've been calling it "contextual hot chocolate" because I won't be drinking coffee, but it won't just be hot chocolate for me. It will be "I'm totally on a date with my dream girl" hot chocolate. But that's too long a name, so I just shortened it to contextual.
...I'm gonna call her right now.
Oh heh. Turns out she just got out of the hospital. I didn't ask her what happened. But in that case I guess it's okay for her to not be so responsive and such.
Why is it always something like this? My life seems to slow down around these moments where it's like the world could tip over.
Have I arrived in the middle of a crisis or something? Am I supposed to be some kind of hero? I feel like I should really call her again, but I kind of need to get going.
...I'll do it.
You're such a brave man. I don't have those kind of balls. When Krissy called to break up with me, I was busy, and when I was done, I asked if we could talk on MSN Messenger. Worst mistake of my life. I think that was the final nail on my coffin. But to be honest, I did it so that I didn't her her cry. Her crying was too sad for me to hear...
ReplyDeleteIf I could do it again, I would have called her.