Imagine two tribes of diverse origin, each settling in a very different climate from the other. I'll call them the Ites and the Lings.
The Ites, for some reason, settle in a very dry climate with hot days and cold nights. The only source of water is a well, which the village is built around.
I actually wonder why I felt like I wanted to elaborate so much on a metaphor that doesn't need more than abstract description, but for the sake of symmetry the Lings are also a tribe of idiots that settle in a marsh.
The point is, they both have problems, and I can imagine that they would be able to develop all kinds of ways to solve them on their own, despite the absolutely bogus places they chose. Maybe they didn't have a choice. They could either live with it, or brave the wilderness again to try to find something better. For whatever reason, at least enough Ites/Lings weren't for packing up and leaving, for at least long enough to make it a place that could actually be called a village. It's called "settling". I assume it's called that for a reason. This wasn't the original point I wanted to make, but why not explore the subject since I'm on it?
No, it isn't relevant to me right now, but settling. It has a different actual definition, but with the negative connotation attached, it basically means to stick with something even though there's probably something better out there. I don't really have anything else to say about it, but the connection is still kind of cool I guess. That wasn't very much exploration.
And, well, I don't really feel like making a point either. I wanted to say that these two tribes can get on just fine on their own, but their way of life would be enhanced by the discoveries and technologies of the other, and then naturally segue into talking about relationships and why they're nice to have. But I'm not really anybody to be talking about that.
I haven't felt like proving it, but I could go at least a week without getting a word from anyone with a few very special exceptions. Although there is the dentist's office. They call to remind me of appointments. They don't need to, I remember them all pretty easily seeing as how it's pretty much the only scheduled event I've been having for I don't even want to know how long. And well, to be honest, it's just her, isn't it? And the friends she's involved with. It's like I don't exist anymore. It's like someone thought to themselves, "Hey, I don't think the universe has demonstrated quite enough times that Levi is not a 'group person', and might be better described as 'the ultimate wallflower' or 'the guy that isn't special until you start actually talking to him for a while and good luck with that because if he talks to you first he'll feel like a pest'" and then whoa it happens. I would like to find this person and have a conversation with them about all these delusions of social ostracization I'm having, and how they are related to my rapidly vanishing self-confidence.
And then the smallest voice keeps telling me that it's all temporary. I completely believe it.
But I just remembered what is probably going to slowly rise up as the most important feeling I've developed in this stage of my life.
Recently my mom told me about a business, um, excursion. It was like a convention for accountants. There was a motivational speaker, some presentations on new software or something, and even a social dance. She enjoyed going and told me all about it, but the part that stuck out the most to me was the dance. The way she put it, she really wanted to go out there and at least moonwalk, but she just felt so inhibited. When she described that event to me, I'd never felt more connected to her. That's when I started to realize that I was definitely her son.
There have been very few exceptions to this; provided that I even bother showing up at a dance, odds are, I'm not comfortable out on the floor. I have taken classes in dancing (so has my mom, in fact), so one might think that I could derive something from that, but it doesn't work that way. I learned moves and routines. I didn't learn to improvise.
I've left this post sitting incomplete too long to remember where I was going with it. But it probably had something to do with my mom's love life. She likes a guy that doesn't have the right standards. He's giving her mixed messages pretty much constantly. Reminds me of my own situation. That's all.
