mission

This blog is largely here for my benefit, so I think it fitting to at least attempt a post regarding my mission before I actually go on it!
A few weeks ago, I received my call to go to the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania mission.
This blog is a place of frankness (and also trying to put unfathomable emotions into words), so, to be very frank, I was extremely surprised and confused to discover that I wouldn't be learning a new language. My patriarchal blessing just kind of hinted at it heavily is all, I guess, and I sort of went in with this idea that I'd be one of those guys who, well, wouldn't be going on a stateside mission, or at least somewhere where I would have to learn spanish. But it doesn't really matter, and I have no intention to shake my fist at the heavens or what have you, because, as cliche as it is, I'm perfectly happy to just go where I'm called. In fact, just unload all of the missionary cliches right here, and that's just about how I feel. I love the gospel and I think everyone deserves the opportunity to have it. I crave adventure. I'm ready for the refiner's fire. If I put my fate in God's hands, everything will go better than it possibly could otherwise.
Something about those cliches used to bother me. All I can imagine is that I must not have found them genuine when talked about by others. It must have been very difficult for me to believe that someone else could be as passionate as I can be with something. I must have looked through my eyes and just seen countless people going through the motions of a happy life, and feeling nothing, missing the most important and fruitful parts. Well, I don't doubt completely that there are people like that. But certainly not everyone, you know? And it's not as though I can claim to have been emotionally aware forever either. There are many things that prompted me to commit myself to think about my actions and reactions. But one of the best things this awareness affords me is the ability to realize that I'm not special in this way, that it's ridiculous to think that I'm the only passionate, genuine, self-improving person who is alive. To be honest though, I'm not even that either. I make mistakes, and I lose control, and I sometimes act before I think. I still have a ways to go before I'd consider myself worthy of spending my life with someone. I know that a mission will prepare me for that better than any other experience available to me. Two years outside of my current comfort zone!
It's another cliche, but I believe that every young man should serve a mission, or at least do something equally as demanding. Well, unless they're not planning on starting a family. Or getting a serious career, for that matter. I'm almost completely certain that if I don't serve this mission, I'm going to end up nowhere. Don't call it a lack of self-esteem... just call it humility, I guess. A broken heart, really, even a contrite spirit. My experiences have done a wonderful job of teaching me that I cannot trust in the arm of flesh and expect to end up happy. People will lie to you, or change their minds, or say things they don't mean, or make decisions that hurt you more than it helps them. People, and the world, are blatantly inconsistent. But, well, you know where this is going; you can put your full trust and faith in God, and He will give you everything for it.

I also wanted to take the time to list the changes I'd like to see in myself in two years.

I want to be more responsible.
I want to be less awkward.
I want to be more tactful and respectful.
I want to be more healthy.
I want to gain a sense of my self-worth.
I want to gain a sense of the worth of others.
I want to broaden my point of view, becoming able to see things from another person's eyes as well as in a non-subjective way.
I want to get some muscles! The body is an important part of myself too!
I want to be able to make myself read and write more.
I want to gain a more substantial testimony of the gospel.
I want to learn to cook a few basic dishes so that I'm not worthless in the kitchen.
I want to pick up an accent. Why not? Accents are very distinguishing.
I want to improve my hygiene habits.
I want to emphasize the old-fashioned side of my personality. I'll be a super obnoxious dad someday!
I want to stir up my passion towards friends and acquaintances. Maybe hold on to more than two or three at a time for once!
I want to be more adventurous. Try new foods, talk to people I don't know; I wonder if they allow missionaries to ice skate? I've also always wanted to windsurf, but that wouldn't be until after my mission.

I'll definitely think of more than this, but I like the list as it is so far.